Spring Break – Yet Another Crack Smoker Story

Ahhhhhh. Spring Break. This means a lot of different things to a lot of different people – depending on your age bracket and your sense of adventure level. It’s the time of year when spring fever hits, and people go nuts to get out of the snow and into 80 degree weather. Time to pull out those shades and prepare ourselves for the horror of ……. deep breath…… swimsuits. Here come the un-toned winter beer guts and the blinding white legs that are itching to burn after having been cooped up all winter long.

For the Caccavos, it means Disney World. Let there be no mistake. Disney World is indeed the happiest place on earth. We always have a wonderful time when we go there. It’s all about the kids. Or, maybe I should say, for us it’s all about the kids. For others, clearly it’s another crack smoking adventure.

You know I love a good people-watching opportunity. This trip did not let me down. When I got home last night and did my mental down-load, I was left with a few very important perplexes. If you are guilty of these things, put the crack pipe away and pay attention.

The park is open from 8 AM till 1 AM. You are guaranteed 17 hours of Mickey Mouse. Why, at 8:10 in the morning, are you running from the parking lot toward the entrance like your ass is on fire? Relax. Disney World is not going anywhere.

Why is everyone stressed out and yelling at each other as they are walking through the gates? It’s 8 AM. It’s Disney World. It’s the happiest place on earth, right?

If you are there to enjoy a vacation with your children, why are you causing a scene, scaring little kids, prompting adults to search your body for suicide bomb evidence because you are yelling like a crazy person at the ride attendant? You are on the “It’s a small world” ride. It’s not the beltway at 5 PM. Calm down. You will get your turn.

Why do ladies wear high heels to Disney World? You are going to be walking for MILES. Vanity is important – but not that important. Two words – varicose veins.

Why is it acceptable for fat people to ride the scooters? And why do they get an automatic free pass to the front of the line?

Seriously, is that thing you are gnawing on really a 5lb turkey leg? Did you really pay money for that? Are you a caveman? Or possibly a cannibal? Did you assault Donald Duck on your way into the park?

Why do adults who go to the Magic Kingdom without kids wait on line for 30+ minutes to ride "It's a small world?"

Why do adults who go to the Magic Kingdom without kids wait on line to get autographs from the characters? With their Disney World autograph books? Did you seriously buy that book for yourself?

Why do adults who go to the Magic Kingdom without kids complain that there are too many kids there?

Ummm, and just why "do" adults go to the Magic Kingdom without kids?