Check Writers and Serial Killers

Here we are again – back to the subject of retards. Once again, I’m overwhelmed with the retards who have invaded my personal space. Given such - I feel it is my civic duty to expose them, and their stupid retarded actions, to the free world.

Don’t be fooled – this is not just about my blowing off steam. There is a lesson to be learned here. Listen up and think about how you can apply this simple blog entry to your every day life. This itsy bitsy check writing story is not just about check writing. It is about time management, efficiency, and courtesy to your fellow man. Three things that are near and dear to my heart. And three things that, if properly respected, will make the world a better place to live.

Allow me to paint the following scenario for you. (Based on actual events, of course.)

You, like everyone else, are busy. You need to run to the store, perhaps to buy diapers for your child who has a poop-infested butt at home. Perhaps you are a single mom who is paying a fortune for a baby sitter so you can do some quick Christmas shopping for (and without) your kids. Maybe you are a husband who left work early to surprise your wife by picking up dinner at the grocery store. Whatever the case may be – it’s your time – and it’s precious. As the world turns these days, you are busy.

You are at the store. You get in line to check out. You are third, fourth, or fifth in line waiting on everyone else ahead of you. Your wheels are turning – you need to make it home fast for a plethora of reasons. Inevitably, the line is slow. But, finally after waiting for what seems like forever, the person in front of you is finishing up. (I’ll use “she” in my example because it usually is.) The cashier says “That will be $105.42, ma’am.” Then and only then is when “she” decides to take her purse off of her shoulder and start digging through mounds of crap in search of her check book.

Hello?! This is unacceptable folks. Not only have you effectively mismanaged your own time, but your inefficiencies and lack of respect have affected the lives of everyone around you. Now we all stop and wait. For you. Because you were unprepared, and because you have no concern for your fellow man, we are all now farther behind. Have a little common courtesy. You should have had the check book out, pen ready, and everything filled in except for the amount owed long before now. And, furthermore, who writes a check any more? Where is your check card? Last time I checked, it was 2006. We write checks for bills once a month – not for kitty litter and KY at Target.

If you are one of these people, take your check book out right now. Place it in front of your face. Now smack yourself 10-20 times in the head so that you will remember this in the future. Here’s another piece of advice. When you have finished smacking yourself, look around you. It’s stupid people like you that become the targets of serial killers. The ones who are not paying attention. The ones who have no idea what’s going on around them. You are probably also the one who digs through your purse in the parking garage for your keys, the one who gets snatched up because you are parked by a big white van, the one who runs out of gas leaving a party at 2:00AM, the one who walks down the dark alley alone.

If I wake up tomorrow morning and the newspaper says a woman’s head was found in the refrigerator of a serial killer, it won’t be me. It will be you. The inconsiderate, unconcerned, oblivious check writer.