Why I had to Quit My Favorite Taco Bell

I’m devastated by all of the recent Taco Bell news. My people know that I love Taco Bell. If I could own one in my back yard, I would. Then I’d just lock the door to the public, barricade myself inside, and eat all of the food by myself. I’d come out weighing 400 pounds, but I’d have enjoyed every minute of it. Taco Bell was the single source that turned me back into a carnivore after my 8 year hiatus as a vegetarian. A story for another day.

So all of this “Toxic Taco” talk reminded me of the time when I had to quit my favorite Taco Bell. In hindsight, the first tell-tale sign that I was turning into a Mexican was when I started to pull away from the drive through and the guy working said “Bye bye, see you tomorrow.” Yeah, so he was starting to get to know me. We were becoming friends. Big deal.

The day that we became instant foes went down like this:
I drove up, placed my order, pulled up to pay and get my goods. My guy says “You know, every day when you come through here I recognize that you remind me of someone, but I can never place who it is. Yesterday it hit me. Do you know who you look exactly like?” The young, 20-something me (this was a long time ago guys!) is just sitting there smiling naively and blinking. And, I replied “No, who???” The answer was the equivalent of shock and awe, or better yet, the equivalent of missing out on the Macy’s annual shoe sale. It was Hillary Clinton. Big deep breath. This is still so painful to me. Let me get a tissue, please.

HUH? So, obviously I didn’t know what to say. All I remember is that it got really hot in that car, and my skin started to itch. And I started to scratch. The look on my face must have said it all because he then followed with “I hope I didn’t offend you by saying that, she is a very powerful woman.” Still blinking. Scratching. Blinking. Scratching. Blinking. Blinking. Blinking. Blinking. Put car in drive. Drove away. Never looked back. Never looked back once guys, but scarred forever.