The Christmas Tree – Men vs. Women
It’s that time of year again. Time to knock the dust off of the Christmas decorations and get down with the decorating of the Christmas tree. I love Christmas. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year to me. I love the lights, the smell of the tree, the competition with the neighbors over the gaudiest outdoor lights…. and over who can get theirs up the quickest on the day after Thanksgiving.
When we started putting up our tree this year, I had to laugh over the man vs. woman idea of how the Christmas tree should be decorated.
Women: (On a fake tree.) Each branch – and I mean all 500 must be strategically pulled and stretched so that there are no holes and no funky-looking protrusions.
Men: Take the thing out of the box, stick it in the stand. Stand back. It looks beautiful.
Women: Must have all white lights. Must have fourteen tons of them. Must all blink or none blink. Can’t be a combination of both. Each strand must be pre-measured and placed so that the entire tree is covered – but no cords are showing.
Men: Must have colored lights. Need only one strand. The entire tree does not need to be covered as long as they all work. Blinking or non-blinking is of no importance. Can run an extension cord from the top of the tree, down the front middle, across the bottom to the electrical outlet. Stand back. It looks beautiful.
Women: Must have all matching decorations. They can be old world, Victorian, crystal, whatever, but no combination. They must be color coordinated. They must be carefully placed so that no two balls are in direct relation to one another.
Men: The more Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, and Tony Romo ornaments that can go on the front of the tree – the better. It doesn’t matter. Cowboys rule, and let’s get this over with before the game starts. Stand back. It looks beautiful.
Women: The angel goes on last. It is the piece de resistance. Let the children put it up there. Hold them and pose while I take a picture.
Men: Stick a popcorn ball up there for all I care. If I miss the game – I’m gonna be pissed. Picture or no picture, angel or no angel. Stand back. It looks beautiful.
Women: The lighting of the tree happens last. This happens five hours later – after everything is in its proper place. This is for effect. Stand back and enjoy it.
Men: Light the tree as soon as the lights are on it. This will help me to keep up with my beer.
posted by Kim @ 8:53 PM
3 Comments:
OK Ladies, I have been quiet long enough! My name is Greg, otherwise know as Kim's hubbie, (otherwise known as the idiot father & husband in this blog spot). I speak for all real men, (metrosexuals need not apply!) I am planning on writing my own blog on items relavent only to men. All are welcome to read it. Kim, how do you set one of these blog thingys up? Love you.
You know, I think this has been the biggest compromise I've had to make in my marriage. I gave up my beautiful tree with only silver and white ornaments, with many, many strands of white lights. We now have colored lights (far too few strands for my taste) and an Irish Santa ornament, holding a beer. Hmm, classy! I'm with you on this one, Sister! (No surprise there, huh, Greg??)
Denise
Greg's Blog Posts:
1. 3 Men and a Shoe Ho
2. Honey, I Can't See The Game... Did You Say Something?
3. The List of Kim's Friends I Got Wasted on Shots and The Stories I Have to Tell About Them
4. I Got the Christmas Lights Up Before the Guests Left on Thanksgiving Day, What More Do You Want?
5. The Cowboys Rule and The Redskins Drool... and Other Things I Teach My Sons
6. Painting the House: 3 Different Shades of Cranberry Red vs. 1 Coat of Primer White
7. Eight Reasons Why I Have the Best and Hottest Wife Ever
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