What Not to Wear

Hear Ye. Hear Ye. Calling all of my friends. Can somebody please show me some love and nominate me for TLC’s What Not to Wear? (Yes, of course I'm secretly hoping you'll tell me I don't need this service.) However, it is not about need girls! It’s all about me, and what I want. And, I want this.

Yes, they pick on some poor unsuspecting fashion anti-diva.
Yes, they follow her around for weeks making fun of her on video for the world to see.
Yes, they surprise her at work with the invitation to the challenge - ultimately humiliating her in front of the universe.
Yes, they follow her around after the show to make sure she hasn’t died and gone back to fashion hell.

Whaaaaaaah! Cry me a river, and bring it on.
This is how I break it down:

I would get to throw out every item of clothing in my possession and start anew. (Big whoop. There are ways around this one folks. It’s called hiding things at your friends’ houses.)
I would get to live it up in Manhattan for a few days.
I would get to shop it up in Manhattan for a few days.
I would get a credit card with my name on it boasting a five-thousand dollar limit. Oh, the shoes.
I would get to hang out with Stacy and Clinton and get free fashion advice from two sure-to-be life long gal pals.

Ok girls. Help me out here. Where's the love? I’m waiting to be nominated. Waiting for Stacy and Clinton. Hello? Hello? Anyone there?