Sun, Sun, Sun: Here We Come!

According to http://www.mapquest.com/, I live “approximately” 26.62 miles from my office. The “estimated” door to door trip should take 31 minutes. Wanna know what I say to MapQuest: HORSE CRAP! While I can’t blame my commute problems on MapQuest, it makes me feel better to criticize somebody.

Yesterday morning I dropped the kids off at day care a bit early. It was a beautiful morning, and I had good intentions of getting to work as peacefully as the day was proving to be. I placed my diet coke expertly into the cup holder, I put on my shades, I put in my new Nora Roberts thriller (cd of course – I do not “read” books in the car like other morons read the paper), and headed East. I got approximately 1 mile down the road and came to a screeching halt. For fear that my mother is reading this, I will spare you the expletives that came forth.

I could barely get off the exit ramp onto the main highway - the traffic was that congested. So, I automatically start thinking: horrific accident. I mean – it would have to be bad for the traffic to be backed up that far. I mentally prepared myself for the arms, legs, guts and eyeballs that I expected to see hanging from the trees ahead. There was nothing. As a matter of fact, there was nothing for the full 26.62 miles and the HOUR AND A HALF of bumper to bumper crack-smokage. Hello?! No fender bender, no farmer on a tractor, no escaped horse, no overly self-important cop giving tickets in rush hour traffic, no gigantic road kill, not even two dogs screwing on the side of the road.. notta. My conclusion: It was the sun.

Unfortunately for me, I travel to work headed east – and back home headed west. I get sun both ways. Most people wouldn’t consider this a bad thing. But when you’ve got 249,999 morons (1 less of 250,000 which would be ME), all headed to work in the same direction – the sun causes problems.

Here is what I have to say to all of the sun-impaired idiots that ruined my commute yesterday morning:

1. You are not all Chinese! Stop squinting. Open your eyes. Put on your shades. MOVE IT.
   
2. That big bright light ahead is not the second coming of Christ. It is the sun, folks. It’s there every day. Don’t be afraid. Snap out of your trance. We have a mission to accomplish here. Put on your shades. MOVE IT.